Christmas 2012

I love Christmas. I love the emphasis on the birth of our Savior. I love Christmas carols, Black Friday sales, parties, getting cards, decorating, pretty much the whole deal. I love the beauty of the season. I love that it never gets old. Every single year we enter this time with excitement and awe as we prepare to celebrate the birthday of our King. I love the rush. Shopping until the very last minute. Even going to the mall just to watch all those other crazy people rush around. That is good stuff. However, this year was unique.
I still loved every single second, but my experience was so very different this year. Satan tried really hard to rain on our parade and to mess up our plans in the form of pesky little sicknesses. From the beginning of December up until several days before Christmas, we battled a stomach virus, pink eye, the flu, strep throat, and some nasty colds. Out of the five of those, I had 3 of them. There were several days that I did not even get out of bed. Seriously, my husband, my daddy and my in-laws rock. They did everything. Now, I am very aware that even in the midst of all that- we are blessed folks and I am so incredibly thankful for our health! I am also grateful for the lessons I learned this year.
Since I spent most of December quarantined in our house I missed out on a lot all of the fun parties and activities. Was I bummed when Kevin and the boys left to go celebrate without me? YES! Did I force them to go even though they told me they would stay home? YES! Did I sit on the couch and cuddle that sweet baby boy I love so much? My goodness yes!
And you know what? This year was not busy. I did not rush. But I loved it! I have always known that the true meaning of Christmas was found in a manger, not a store. However, it is so very easy to become enamored with the other things that accompany this time of year. Though they are good, well meaning things -they pull our focus away from the heart of Christmas. The spirit of Jesus can get lost in our busy schedules, in the excitement of gifts, and rush of all things seasonal.
But I found it this year. The true Christmas spirit.  It is in my 4 year old who memorized Isaiah 9:6 to surprise and recite for his daddy on Christmas morning. (There little brains are like sponges. That kid knew it after a week of practicing and shared it with daddy long before Christmas!) It is in my 2 year singing "Away in a Manger" completely unprompted. It is all 5 of us cuddled on the couch fighting over one blanket (like there are not 92 more spread through out our house.) It's watching the "Grinch" and singing along.
"Because maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, perhaps maybe Christmas is a little bit more."

It's glancing across the room, above the chaos of toys, laughter, and kids, to meet Kevin's eye. Knowing, he too, feels what words do not have to say. The love, the warmth, the Jesus. Right here in this place.

My friends, Mr. Grinch was so right. It is so, so, so much more than anything bought at a store.

"For unto us a child is born,

a son is given:

the government will rest on His shoulders.

And He will be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

 

Defining moments

 I ask that you join me in praying for all those families in Ct. who lost their precious children today.

There are moments that define our lives. Times that mark beginnings and endings. Times that divide our lives into before and afters. Sometimes these events are so small and insignificant that we fail to recognize their magnitude when they occur. Other times, they are so obvious we cannot help but see their importance. Good or bad. Right or wrong. This is the substance of life. The dots we connect when we look back at our past.  Right now, our little family is experiencing one of those big life changes. A change that will impact us all. Thankfully, this is a good wonderful change that Kevin and I are so incredibly excited about.
Looking back, I can easily spot the moments that have defined my life to this point....

Spring 1997- Gave my heart to Christ. Did I still screw up after this? Yes. Did I still make unfortunate mistakes that directly disobeyed God's commandments? Yes. Did I lay in bed at night begging God to forgive me? Yes. Did God's grace cover my sins and did I repent? YES.

June 1, 1997- Baptized.

September 1999- My sweet momma woke me up to tell me she had breast cancer. At the time, I had no clue what this meant for her or us, as a family.

Tuesday, October 5th 2004- I had a first kiss with a man and knew I would NEVER kiss another.

Tuesday, November 1, 2004- I agreed to marry that same man.

Saturday, May 21, 2005 @ 5:00- I became Kevin's bride.

March 2006- I got a call at work to come straight home. I walked into my parents house and perched on the arm of the couch. (I will never forget these details because what happened next forever changed me.) Daddy and momma gently explained that mom's cancer was in her brain. She had 3 months at best. I no longer had a sick momma. I had a dying momma. What a difference one word makes.

April 14th, 2006 @ 1-ish am- She did not make it 3 months. She lasted 6 weeks and early that Good Friday morning my momma met Jesus. I was lost. I felt like my heart had been removed from my body and died right there beside her in that bed my parents had shared for the last 32 years.

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 @1:55 pm- After 22 hours of  hard labor, God handed me my heart back in the form of a cone-headed (sorry, buddy- but it is the truth) baby boy. Manning Ryan changed me. He made me a momma and I will forever be grateful for that boy. I became assertive, protective, and nurturing in an instant. I would give up my life for this 7lbs of joy.

Wednesday, April 14th 2010 @ 12:30pm- I realized that God can replace sadness with happiness. My second precious baby boy was born on the date of my mother's death (4 years later.) When they handed me that chunky newborn my heart literally doubled. Anyone who has more than one child will agree with me. You find room to love this one JUST as much as the first one. The same fierce intensity. It's amazing. I have a favorite pair of shoes, a favorite food, and a favorite pair of jeans. But I could never have a favorite child. God just did not make us mommas that way. Myers Wilson has brought so much laughter into our house. I cannot imagine anyone more hilarious than this tiny little guy.

Friday, February 3rd, 2012 @ 1:08pm- Arriving with complete urgency, with a decreasing heart rate, and vacuum delivery, McCann Riggs proved again that our GOD knows what HE is doing. Looking in Kevin's teary eyes, as the machines beeped, and nurses rushed in, I knew this baby was going to be so special. I mean, seriously, what an entrance. This kid is the happiest, mellow, momma-loving baby. Again, my heart just embraces this precious baby. I hold onto him, loving him so much.

And here we are nearly 11 months later.

In August, I agreed to "facilitate" a women's Bible Study at my church. It was the study of Jonah written by Priscilla Shirer. She focosed on changing our perspective on the we view interruptions in our life. "Priscilla redefines interruption and shows that interruption is actually God's invitation to do something beyond our wildest dreams. When Jonah was willing to allow God to interrupt his life, the result was revival in an entire city." She challenged us to see God's movement in our lives as a "divine intervention" rather than an interruption.

Although my schedule was already busy and I knew I might should decline, something compelled me to lead this group (even before I knew about the topic) . Little did I know God was preparing my heart and gearing me up for a huge "divine intervention."

Early November 2012

As a family, we have been called to full-time ministry. Kevin will be attending seminary in the fall of next year and we will seek to follow God as he leads us down HIS perfect path.  This decision has changed us, already redefining the way we approach life. We thank you, in advance, for your prayers and support.

Raising Men

"We are not raising little boys. We are raising men."

 

 

The first time I read that quote I immediately didn't like it. Don't get me wrong  I pray for my boys to grow spiritually, physically, and mentally. I desire for them to become God-fearing, honorable, trustworthy men. That is, after all, the ultimate goal of this whole parenting gig. We are entrusted with these little people who change our world and in turn we are responsible for guiding, teaching, and shaping them into adults. My head knows all that. It just doesn't want to tell my heart. In my heart, they will always be my babies. Small enough to fit in my lap and willing to hold my hand.

 

But I know truth when I see it. We don't need our little boys to become bigger boys. We need them to become men.

 

So...how do we raise our buys to become adults? We pray (A LOT), we teach them the Word of God, we take them to church, and we live the lives we want them to mimic. What a tremendous calling!

My boys are so very observant. They do not miss anything (sometimes we wish they would!) Our lives are a stage and they are our constant audience. The only difference is we never get an intermission and they are well aware of what happens backstage. Their is no putting up a front with these little guys. They see the real deal.

 

I was very convicted recently by my 2 year old. As a norm, I read and study my Bible when they are asleep. (We read theirs to them but I do my quiet time when things are well......quiet.) This may seem like the best thing, but I have discovered that I was taking the complete wrong approach. I had checked out a paperback from the church library. It was a fabulous Christian fiction book. (Yes, I am trying to make myself feel better!) Anyways, it was beside me on the couch and Myers said, "That's mommy's Bible." NOOOOOO! This is just a book mommy is reading. Moment of truth. I NEED to read my Bible in front of my kids. Telling them is not good enough. They need to see me studying HIS Word.

 

I am so thankful for my husband. These boys have the absolute best example of a Christian man. He is true to the core, always involved, and constantly teaching them about Christ's love. I thank God for his leadership in our lives.

 

Kevin doesn't like this song, but I can't help but think of him everytime I hear it.

 





 

"He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you"

 

 



More mercy

Just like you can't run your first mile today and expect to run a marathon tomorrow, you can't expect to become an expert at this motherhood thing overnight. When they handed me my first baby boy, I was clueless.  I did not know how to breastfeed a baby, burp a baby, or even change a baby! I had no idea how to take care of a newborn. All I knew is that I loved him with every ounce of my being and would do absolutely anything to make sure his needs were met. Within minutes of becoming a mother I began the process of learning how to mother. With time I mastered the art of nursing, patting Manning's in just the right way to produce the best burp, and even changing a diaper (without getting a surprise shower!) However, I still have so much to learn. I still mess up everyday. Even after having 3 babies, there are still days I feel completely, impossibly clueless. Not about meeting their physical needs. I am a pro at holding a baby, fixing a drink, and applying a band-aid to a non-existent boo-boo all at the same time.

It's the emotional needs that leave me doubting my mothering abilities. The times when they misbehave and I am at a loss as to the best way to discipline. The times when they need more love and less lecture. The times when I am thankful I serve a God of 2nd (and 3rd, 4th, and 100th) chances. Lately, I have found myself evaluating some of my current practices and changing some of my ways.

I am trying to become more of a "yes" mom. Attempting to say yes more than I say no. Trying to include my boys in every activity, even if it makes things a little more messier and a lot more time- consuming. Trying to play more and offer more fun surprises. Yes, we can go to the park (even though there are 92 loads of laundry to do, dishes in the sink, and countless other things that need to be done.)

I am trying to give more grace and mercy. They mess up. They sin. They make poor choices. So do I. Just as God gives us chance after chance, my children deserve 2nd chances too. There are times that I know they are truly sorry. They understand that they have made a mistake and need my forgiveness (but not discipline necessarily.)  I am praying that God will reveal to me when discipline is needed. I struggle with the a lot. I know our children need us to guide and shape them. I know that discipline is an essential part of parenting. However, I also know that there are not always consequences for my sins. Sometimes, of course, I have to face the music that comes with disobeying God's law.

My friends, mothering (parenting) is not a walk in the park. It's hard. It's a messy. It will make you cry. But laugh more. Because there is absolutely nothing (outside of being a child of the KING) that is better. It's a blessing, my calling, God's will for me.

Chasing Pigs

I preface this post with two things. First of all, this is a true story. Secondly, this is just one example of how far in the country we live.
My husband is such a smart guy. Seriously, in so many ways I wish I could be more like him. The other night he left to go hunting (with three kids and crazy, busy schedules hunting is more like a treat for him than the daily occurence it used to be.) He got about 2 miles from our house and got flagged down by some of our other neighbors. Was there a wreck? A car broken down? Possibly a flat tire? Oh, no. Someone's piglets were out. Yes, you read that right. The owners were not home, the fence was broken, and baby pigs were all over the place. So Kevin gets out and they try to figure out what to do with the loose swine. They decided to call Animal Control and let them handle it since there was no way to keep the piglets in. (Animal Control was already closed. This was 5:00 on a Friday afternoon. So they had to call the police. I find this hilarious!)
Anyways, our neighbors said they would try to corral the pigs while they waited for the police. After it was decided there was nothing left to do, Kevin said farewell and went hunting. That was what he had set out to do and there was no reason for an additional person to wait. This is where I appreciate my husband the most. If it had been me who had been stopped to help with the piglet situation, I would have never been able to leave. Why? Because I am a woman and I am Amy. I would have done one of two things: Either waited around because I would have felt indebted to everyone involved or went on my way all the while worrying and feeling guilty about leaving the other people to handle the issue.
I struggle with saying no, I hate to let people down, and I have hard time allowing myself a break. This is a continous battle. Who else struggles with these same things? Is this a gender issue or is it unique to a certain personality? 

I Got Tricks

I have two of the most temperature and sound sensitive children EVER. Seriously. My van has 3 different temperature settings (driver, passenger, and rear)- ridiculous I know. Yet it is not enough for Manning. He needs specific climate controls just for him that continously adjust to his needs.  "Momma, I am cold." 10 seconds passes. "Now, I am a little hot." Another 10 secs. "That's too cold- make it warmer."
Not to be left out, Myers needs the radio volume set at exactly level 12. Not 10, not 13, only 12. He can't read- how does it know?
After weeks and weeks of constantly changing the temperature and turning up the radio, I have finally figured it out. I got a whole bag of tricks and this is one of the best. As long as I put my hand on the temperature dial or the volume control, they are completely happy. Even if I do not change the current settings! They are content knowing I have validated their feelings. I have to hide my giggles every SINGLE time I ask, "Is that better?"  (knowing I have not changed it at ALL) and they nod totally pleased. Yes, I feel a little guilty about my tricks. However, as always my boys have taught me another good lesson. Am I content when my situation is less than ideal? When I want things a little different? When minor details are bugging me? If not, I need to reevaluate. Fifteen years ago I gave my life to Christ, from that point on HE has had HIS hand on the dials of my life. HE has control and I should be content knowing He is taking care of my needs. Just like I know Manning does not need the A/C on max when it is 50 degrees outside. (No matter how hot he says he is.) Our all-knowing, loving, God knows far better than I do about what I need. It is just up to me to nod and be pleased, when God decides to allow me to continue in a situation I would rather avoid.

Sleeping Babies

 

About half the time when we lay McCann down for the night, he immediately starts to suck his thumb and is asleep before we get out the door. Then there are the other times. The times when we have to scoop him up, cuddle for a few minutes, and usually rock him to sleep. It probably would be better if we attempted to get him to put himself to sleep. But somehow this way is better. For him and me. As I slowly rock him, I feel his body relax, and he lays his little head on my shoulder. It is in those precious moments that I find myself praying. Thanking God for this precious baby, for all my babies, for all my blessings. It seems that the nights when he needs my comfort are almost always at the end of the busiest of days. The days that I probably have not spent enough time praying. Is it possible that God uses the needs of our smallest son to draw me near to him? He knows I need the break from the chaos. I need the peace and quiet. I am so grateful for these gentle reminders from my loving Savior. Could it be possible that the amazing feeling I get rocking a sleepy McCann is the same feeling our LORD has when I spend time with him learning how to love him more?

Proverbs 31

This morning was a bust on the "this momma has it all together" continum. I woke up feeling a little off and decided to be grumpy about it. Positive choice, right?  Then all three boys needed 100% of their mommy's attention at the exact same moment and chaos seemed to be the theme of the day. I did not think I would ever get them all dressed, fed, and out of the house before school started. We ended up only being 20 minutes late to school and things have greatly improved since then.
The baby and I got in a 30 minute walk. The weather was perfect, baby boy dozed, and I enjoyed having a few minutes of quiet time with Jesus. Then my sweet daddy treated us to lunch. So thankful for days that start out less than perfect but take a turn for the better.
Also, thankful for this lady and the 24 years I spent with her. Momma would have have been 58 on September 30th. This was taken less than a year before she died. Wasn't she beautiful?

 

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:25-31

 

 

A lesson from the jelly jar

 If you say, "The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.¹

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

Psalm 91: 9-16

Have you thanked God for HIS protection today? I, for one, am often guilty of taking my and my family's safety and health for granted. I do not always think to thank God that my van's brakes worked at the appropriate time, that the elevator we all rode on operated properly, or for the countless other ways he keeps us out of harms way EVERYDAY!  It is so easy to ask God to help us through troubles; yet how often do we forget to praise HIM. Today, I am thanking Jesus for HIS goodness, HIS grace, and HIS protection. This was a typical day. I was fixing a sandwich for the older boys while the baby played at my feet. (He is so mobile now. Crawling, pulling up, and cruising all around the house. Boundaries are pretty nonexistent at this point.) I grabbed the peanut butter out the pantry and opened the refrigerator to get the jelly. Brand new jar. Glass this time rather than the plastic one I normally buy. You guessed it.  It slipped and broke shattered into what seemed like 1,000 pieces ALL around my precious baby. I was almost scared to look as all the possibilities raced through my mind. But I didn't hear the cry I expected. Praise Jesus! There was glass literally all around him, but not one single piece had touched him. Coincidence? No. This was only possible with GOD. He had his arms around McCann protecting and shielding him. I immediately felt the prescence of our Lord. Tonight as you put your babies to bed hug them a little tighter and thank Jesus for their safety!

Lots to learn

I love love love the Experiencing God devotional by Henry and Richard Blackaby. We completed this study at our church in 2008. Since then I have reread and referred to this workbook numerous times. Each and every time, God teaches me something new. In it, the authors explain how God has always spoken to HIS people in unique and special ways. For example, Moses is the only person known to have heard from God through a burning bush. Furthermore, other than Jonah's in-the-belly-of-a-fish situation, no one has heard from God on the INSIDE of an animal. That's just how God works. There is no one-size-fits-all way HE communicates.
I love that God created us as individuals; completely different, yet so much like those around us. And how awesome is it that the KING OF THE UNIVERSE would choose to speak to me and you. No matter how we experience GOD (through the Bible, prayer, church, circumstances) we can be sure that God will handle us uniquely. Why? Because he loves us. We are HIS chosen children. (Romans 9)
So what has God been showing me lately? Just as HE deals with me as an indivdual, I need to raise my children as unique and separate. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Kevin and I have 3 boys. They have the same mother and same father. This is where the similarities end. They are all so different - it continually amazes! It is easy as parents to use the same tactics (regarding communicating love, discipline, and self-worth) with each child. How wrong we are to do this? God is convicting me of trying to mold my children simply by treating them the same way. Don't get me wrong I am certainly not promoting favortism. I fully believe we should love each of our children equally, however I don't think we have to treat them the same to show our love.
My Manning is sensitive. He responds quickly to discipline because he is attuned to feelings. (Not only his own feelings but to those of others.) He hates for his brothers to be upset and is quick to come to their rescue. My Myers, however, is ...well....not sensitive. He is the sweetest, most loving child ever. BUT....he is not sensitive to the discipline techniques that work so well with Manning. He simply doesn't seem to care. (His laid back persona is going to be very beneficial later in life!) So right now, we are re-evaulating how we teach and guide Myers. And I am sure in 2 years we will be at this same point as we try to figure out what works best with McCann.
I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father gives us the perfect example of personalized relationships.

Home

“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”
    Sarah Dessen


We need I want a bigger house. When Kevin and I met he had just finished building a small teeny tiny itsy bitsy house. After we got engaged, we decided there was absolutely no way that Kevin and I (and let's be honest all my stuff) could fit in his house if it stayed it's current size. So we added on. Addition #1 was 2 bedrooms, a bath, and a laundry room. It was still a little house but it met our needs. It was even ok when in June 2008 we added Manning to our family. Then in August 2009 we found out we were expecting Myers, that's when we knew we either had to move or add on once again. So we called a contractor and this time added on a large playroom/den and a huge walk-in closet to our master bedroom. Time rolls on and here we are almost 8 years after that first addition and we have FIVE people living in this house. Things are tight. Manning and Myers share a room, Kevin and I cant get ready at the same time, (because our bathroom is too tiny to accommodate both of us in front of the mirror) and our wedding presents are still in the storage containers my momma packed them in while we were on our honeymoon. So you ask, "Why don't we just move?"

That is the million dollar question.

We want to and we even have plans to do so....but as much as I want to move forward there is a whole other list of reasons why I want to stay in our house forever.
They are more emotional than practical. Nevertheless, they hold us here at least for the time being. First (and probably most convincing) is the point that plenty of families live in much smaller houses and have more kids than we do. Secondly (and more significant to me) is this house holds our memories. Kevin purposed to me right here in our living room. This is where our life together began; where a blind date became a lifelong relationship. This is the only house of mine that my momma ever saw. I remember pulling in the driveway, returning home from our 7 day honeymoon cruise, finding our moms waiting on the front porch to welcome us back. She told me how beautiful I looked and I remember thinking how happy she was. For so many years, we wondered if she would live long enough to see me grow up and marry. She had made it. (She died a short 11 months later) This is the place that I have brought my three babies home to. The list goes on and on.

So for now we stay and wait. We both know that God will open the doors for us to move when He is ready. I pray that I will be content no matter how frustrated I get with the lack of space and also that my heart will be ready when the time inevitably comes when we decide to move.

Hallways

Right now, I am waiting. I have so many big plans and goals that I want to pursue. However, I am in a holding pattern. I am waiting on God to open the doors giving me complete confidence and peace in my decisions. I know if I jump ahead of HIM there is a good chance I may get it all wrong. So I am waiting and like most people it is not something I enjoy. I like instant rewards and clear cut directions. Ambiguity stresses me out. That's where faith comes in. Over and over in the Bible, we read about God's people waiting on HIM and in turn being blessed because of HIS faithfulness. Just think about Hannah praying year after year for God to bless her with a child. The Bible never tells us exactly how old she was when Samuel was born, but it does make clear that she was very old.  How convicting to think that I get impatient waiting days and weeks and persistent, faithful Hannah waited YEARS. Then there is Anna, whom we meet in the book of Luke. In just a few short verses we gain an excellent example of patience and faithfulness.

There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

Luke 2:36-38

"That very moment" that the scripture refers to is when Anna meets Jesus when Mary and Joseph take him to the temple. It is humbling to consider the decades that Anna waited to meet our Savior.

I have often heard if God hasn't opened a door for you, praise him in the hallway. (Just like Hannah and Anna did way back in Bible times!) So I am in the hallway and I am committing to praise him while I am waiting.

Ours

I have become so neglectful with this blog....I think about blogging.....I even plan to blog. But life is busy right now and as much as I want to document every precious memory.... I am too busy living it to stop and write about it! Just this morning, I was holding sweet McCann breathing in his still new baby scent. (when does this go away? I hope never. He is 5 months old and still has that wonderful aroma.) I wish I could bottle it up and keep it forever. He is growing so fast. He has mastered sitting up and is trying so hard to crawl. He has 2 big brothers to catch up with. Speaking of them, they are growing too. It is hard to believe that Manning is 4. Of all my children, he is the most like me. Not in looks but definitely in personality. He is sensitive, overly aware to details, caring, and usually in a hurry. =) Just the other day, I took the two "big" boys to the park. Manning was running a head rushing to get to the slide always ready to take on an adventure. He is goal driven and amazingly self-motivated (and possibly a little too competitive- we can blame his daddy for that). Then there is Myers. I could write for hours about my second born's idiosyncrasies. He is one unique little dude.
That same day at the park- I am walking in between the boys trying to close the gap between speedy Manning and Myers (there is no appropriate adjective to describe this kid's personality.) He is walking slowly strolling enjoying the scenery. He stops and squats peering at the ground, "Bug!" "Yes, baby that is an ant. Let's catch up with Manning." We start again as always slowly. He stops looking into the sky, "Mom-mom, plane!" This continues with a leaf and more bugs. We finally got to the playground. Oh, to be more like Myers. No worries, no rushing, just enjoying every moment.
This morning he was playing with a baby toy. (You know someone else's toys are always better than your own.) I ask, "Myers- who's toy is that?" I equally love the way he says his own name and that of his baby brother....I was expecting one or the other and would have loved hearing either. However, he gave me a better response, "Ours." To him, they all share everything. There is no mine or yours. No competition. I love it.
And most of all I love them.

Well, honey....

Manning asked me on the way to school recently, "Mommy, is God bigger than that tree?"

"Yes, Manning. God is WAY bigger than that tree." He continues, "What about our house- is HE bigger than that?" "Yes, even bigger than that." And it goes on, "What about the sky?"

How do I explain the immeasurable vastness of GOD in HIS greatness to my 3 year old? (when it is so difficult for my 30 yr old brain to comprehend.)

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars which you have set in place -- what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8:3-4

On this same morning, Manning asked me how fast God was. I replied, "Very fast." I mean, really, how do you describe the omnipresence of God to a preschooler. He follows up with, "Mommy, does God need shoes to run so fast?" I snicker and respond, "No, I think God has everything HE needs." (I am assuming this question comes from my constant reminders to PUT YOUR SHOES ON BEFORE YOU GO OUTSIDE.)

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalm 139:7-10

This question and answer time was followed by several minutes of quiet and I assumed he was onto something else. (Three yr old brains can jump from subject to subject quicker than their 30 yr old momma's brains can keep up at times) Not the case this time. I hear from the back seat, "But Momma, Why did Jesus have to die on the cross?"

Oh boy. Well, honey...God sent Jesus, HIS SON, to die for our sins, the bad things we do. So that we could be forgiven and go to heaven when we die. I go on to explain salvation and praying to accept Jesus (all in very childlike terms). My sweet little guy listens so attentively.

"God so loved this world that HE gave HIS only begotten son, for whosoever believe him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Manning remembers,"Mema went to heaven." Yes, she did. "How did she get there?" "Did Jesus and Mema climb a really tall ladder?"

Maybe. I am not really sure. But I am sure that I love Jesus and I love my sweet baby boys. I pray they will continue to have this much concern and love for the LORD. Kevin and I are so blessed.

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16

Some truth

Someone asked me the other day if I had a blog. Why, yes I do. Do I blog regularly? Absolutely not. In fact, I haven't blogged one time since my precious McCann was born. I am too busy taking care of three little guys to write a grocery list much less a daily account of our life. (Though it would be quite entertaining) Today, on this blessed Easter Sunday I want to offer some truth. Sometimes it is just nice to be real and that is what I am offering. I am reposting something I wrote over a year ago. It will surprise many but not those of you who knew me 10 years ago. Before I start...Happy Easter- HE IS RISEN! (and that is the TRUTH)

I have always been one to hold myself to ungodly standards (yes, I said ungodly). Though I came to know Jesus when I was 15, I did not fully grasp HIS love and devotion until years later. In high school, I measured my success as person on the amount and expense of my clothes and the number of friends I could accumulate. In college, my worth was based on my 3.9 GPA and my desire to please all my professors. I based my perception of myself on my possessions, my friends, my popularity, my grades, and most significantly on my weight. I am not sure of the exact event that sparked the beginning of my obsession with my weight. I do know that as a junior in high school, I was an average size teenager with what I believed was a healthy mom. By the beginning of my senior year, things were dramatically different than the year before. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my weight became my new fixation. It was a gradual process. I dieted, began to exercise, and liked the newer smaller version of Amy. As I went off to Clemson, leaving behind a sick mom and a situation I could not control, my weight began to plummet. However, no matter how thin I became it was never enough. I limited calories and would at times only eat one meal a day. In addition, I would work out for hours burning the few calories I consumed each day. My mother was dying and I could not do one about thing it. But I could change the way I looked... by starving myself. At the time, I would have never admitted what I was doing. In fact, I even tried to hide my eating disorder. I would adamantly defend myself disputing anyone who even hinted that I might have a problem. My mom was the leader of this group of people. She saw the issue and begged me to change. To this day, I regret not getting help while she was still alive. After 4 years of college, I graduated from Clemson University. Soon after graduation, I met my future husband and fell in love. Even with a new man and a wedding to plan, nothing could distract me from my weight obsession. I knew Kevin thought I was beautiful and I even knew he would like me better if I was not so thin. I wanted to change. I did not want him to worry about his bride. I just could not stop the roller coaster that was my life. At our wedding, I weighed 112 lbs (this was not my lowest weight and I am 5'8), almost 30 pounds less than my ideal weight by medical standards. I did not have regular menstrual periods and I was starving most of the time. I chewed gum constantly in order to keep my hunger at bay. Two months before our first anniversary, my mom’s cancer had moved from breast to bone to lungs and now finally to her brain. My sweet momma went to be with Jesus that April. I lost my best friend and biggest fan that Good Friday morning. The next year passed in a blur of sadness and memories. I was still focused on my weight and I was having a harder time staying as small as I once had been. Then in summer of 2007 something miraculous happened. I got pregnant. I always thought I would have a hard time conceiving. Looking back I know God blessed me with those frustrating extra pounds to allow my body to become pregnant. This was the beginning of the end of my disease. I had a brand new life within me and I was responsible for nourishing this sweet baby. I took my job seriously. I gained a healthy 28 lbs and delivered a 7 and a half pound baby boy. I nursed Manning for a year and rarely thought about my weight. I still cared but I had so much more to think about than the size of my pants. I was 121 lbs when I got pregnant with my second son in the summer of 2009. After a 50 plus weight gain, I delivered an almost 9lbs baby boy. 12 months later, I am still nursing Myers. I am at a healthy weight for my height and I am happy with the way I look in the mirror. Do I miss being rail thin and having a perfectly flat stomach? I would be lying if I said no. There are times I step on the scale compulsively hoping pounds will disappear. But you know what? There is more to life than exercise, diets, and weight. There is life and God wants us to live it abundantly. God loves me because I am Amy. His daughter. He does not love me any more at 110 lbs than he does at 130lbs. I wish I could take all the time I wasted being consumed about my weight and return it. I wish I could live all those years again exerting all the energy I used on my obsessions with spreading God’s love. I hate to think about the people that I didn’t witness to because I was too absorbed in myself. I am not proud of those years, but I am grateful for them.

That's where I stopped. I am not sure if I was finished or if the babies were crying and I just quit writing. Either way, I am truly thankful the journey of anorexia is over. I am happy with the body I have. Not because it is perfect, but because it is God's temple. It has carried 3 of God's most wonderful blessings.

Missing Mom....

I have been 38 weeks pregnant about to give birth to a precious baby boy THREE times in the last 3 and 1/2 years. (This seems crazy but it is absolutely perfect for us.)Each time has been unique and special in it's own way. However, each time three things have remained the same. First,the process of pregnancy always gives me such an appreciation for my Heavenly Father. What an awesome GOD! I cannot understand how anyone who has had a child could NOT believe in God?! From the first time we heard a heartbeat until this very day I am in constant of awe of God's goodness! (and I am sure if I did this 10 more times I would ALWAYS feel this same way) Secondly, with every pregnancy, I love this little person more than life itself. From the moment of conception, I would give up my life for them. For Manning, for Myers, and for McCann. Lastly, as my due date approaches each time, I find myself aching for my momma. I always miss her. Everyday. But the days that I long for her the most are those before, during, and after the births of my babies.
I remember in the hours before my mother's death telling my daddy, "But Daddy, my babies will never know her." I also recall my dad's words in response, "Baby, we will tell them all about her. We will make sure they know how much your momma would have loved them." So as my children get older, I make a point of telling them about Mema. I explain that she was Granddaddy's wife, mommy's momma, and their wonderful grandma. Lately many of my friends are getting pregnant and having babies. It is such an exciting time! I love the joy that comes with each birth annoucement. I love the expectation that comes with each gender reveal. I love the the instant adoration that parents have for their new babies. I also love one thing that I will never experience, the look of pride on the grandmother's face as she watches her daughter nurture a new life. This I miss. I wish my momma could be here. To tell me I was doing this right, to give me support, and to love on me like only a momma can. So as we near McCann's birthday, I pray that God will give us a healthy baby boy, that Manning and Myers would love their new brother, and that in the midst of it all I will feel HIS and her presence.

Carrie Underwood's legs? No, thank you!

I heard on the radio a few nights ago that Carrie Underwood is 29 years old. WHAT!? I am 29.... I really like believing that she is closer to 20. Why does she look a decade younger and I look every single week of my 29 years. I will give you 3 guesses. They all start with "M" and are under 4 feet tall! But would I trade motherhood for youthfulness, great legs, and all the money in the world? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Not in a million years! I am in total love with every part of being Manning, Myers, and McCann's mommy. I can barely believe that within 3 short weeks (give or take a few days) I will have 3 little boys in my house. How did I ever get so lucky? Not lucky...BLESSED.
I love the looks I get when the 3 and 1/2 of us walk in stores (Manning, Myers, me and my enormous belly). Better is when I am shopping alone (yes, this happens. My husband rocks.) and some sweet old lady asks me if this is my first. "No, my third." This is always followed up with one of two questions: "Do you know what you are having?" or "How old are your other two?" I respond, "My third boy all 3 and under." I get the best "God bless you" and "Lord have mercy" responses. You know what HE already has. He has blessed me and shown me mercy over and over.
I really hope I will update with some pictures of McCann's nursery in the next few weeks. However, that would mean that it is complete. Everytime I think we are close something happens and we backtrack. Today for example, I had all sorts of plans to "finish" my precious baby's room. It didn't happen. Instead the washing machine broke which meant we had to clean out the laundry room. Where did all the "extra" stuff that lives in my laundry temporarily get placed? McCann's room, of course. Sweet boy, we are so ready to meet you and we promise to love you to the moon and back. And we sincerely hope your room is ready when you make your big entrance...