Missing Mom....

I have been 38 weeks pregnant about to give birth to a precious baby boy THREE times in the last 3 and 1/2 years. (This seems crazy but it is absolutely perfect for us.)Each time has been unique and special in it's own way. However, each time three things have remained the same. First,the process of pregnancy always gives me such an appreciation for my Heavenly Father. What an awesome GOD! I cannot understand how anyone who has had a child could NOT believe in God?! From the first time we heard a heartbeat until this very day I am in constant of awe of God's goodness! (and I am sure if I did this 10 more times I would ALWAYS feel this same way) Secondly, with every pregnancy, I love this little person more than life itself. From the moment of conception, I would give up my life for them. For Manning, for Myers, and for McCann. Lastly, as my due date approaches each time, I find myself aching for my momma. I always miss her. Everyday. But the days that I long for her the most are those before, during, and after the births of my babies.
I remember in the hours before my mother's death telling my daddy, "But Daddy, my babies will never know her." I also recall my dad's words in response, "Baby, we will tell them all about her. We will make sure they know how much your momma would have loved them." So as my children get older, I make a point of telling them about Mema. I explain that she was Granddaddy's wife, mommy's momma, and their wonderful grandma. Lately many of my friends are getting pregnant and having babies. It is such an exciting time! I love the joy that comes with each birth annoucement. I love the expectation that comes with each gender reveal. I love the the instant adoration that parents have for their new babies. I also love one thing that I will never experience, the look of pride on the grandmother's face as she watches her daughter nurture a new life. This I miss. I wish my momma could be here. To tell me I was doing this right, to give me support, and to love on me like only a momma can. So as we near McCann's birthday, I pray that God will give us a healthy baby boy, that Manning and Myers would love their new brother, and that in the midst of it all I will feel HIS and her presence.