-Sarah Ban Breathnach
Our house is still for sale. It hasn't shown much over the last few weeks. We have learned that things are totally unpredictable when it comes to selling houses. You never know what influences interested buyers or which weeks it might show 3 times (or none at all). I am a planner and I like to know what is going to happen next. My husband calls it "being controlling." Either way, it is an extremely difficult process for someone like me. The frantic cleaning, the constant need to reorganize, and the wide array of emotions that I experience every time I see our realtor's number on my phone all make this hard for me. I immediately get excited at the thought that this might be "the one." The excitement fades and it is replaced with unshakeable sense of nostalgia.
For all practical purposes, it would be best for us to sell this house. As we prepare for the new baby's arrival, we will be moving McCann into Manning and Myers' room. Things are going to be tight. Our table will hold exactly 6 and our kitchen is maxed out. (If you come to our house for dinner, plan to sit at a card table.) I am not complaining, merely being realistic. We have added onto the house twice already to fit our growing family. Without making the layout awkward, there is no feasible way to expand anymore. In my frustration over lack of space and an overabundance of stuff, it is easy for me to be enthusiastic about the prospect of moving on.
Then there is the other side of it all. The part of me that clings to the familiar. The part that doesn't see the limited space, but the memories we have made here. (Insert sappy Hallmark card) Seriously, our family's history is right here in these walls. Kevin and I shared our first kiss in this living room on Tuesday, Oct 5th, nine years ago. He told me he loved me just 3 days later in the exact same place and 52 days after that he proposed, you guessed it....... right here.
During the year after we got married, this house became my safe haven. It was no longer Kevin's house, it was home. I spent most of my waking hours, outside of work, with momma in the house that I was raised in. Momma and Daddy built that house when I was five and I have very few memories before we lived there. I love that house and I am so glad my daddy has chosen to stay there. But it is no longer home.
Fast forward one more year, I can envision myself flinging the front door open, bounding down the steps, meeting Kevin on the walkway, pregnancy test in hand. Two pink lines. We were going to have our very first baby. I will never forget that moment. Or the one that followed 8 or so months later when we brought Manning home. We gently sat the brand new carrier with the brand new blanket, covering our brand new baby in the middle of the living room. What do we do now? Boy, we had a lot to learn and we have...... right here in this house.
We have had 3 more positive pregnancy tests since then. We have brought home 2 more precious boys (though not in a new carrier!) It's difficult to imagine bringing our 4th child home anywhere else.
As with everything, it's all in God's perfect timing. As much as I would love to know the "whens" of this entire process, I trust that God knows exactly what He is doing. When our house sells (or doesn't) I want to have perfect peace that it was all a part of His bigger plan.
I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was. Likewise, I never imagined that home might be something I would miss.”
-Ransom Riggs
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