Red Lipstick

 

 

My momma always wore her make-up. She was an "eye-liner and bright lipstick" kinda lady. I used to tease with her, telling her she put on her face to check the mail. In fact, Dr. Pavy and his staff (her oncologist) routinely commented that, "If Mrs. Ruby didn't have her make-up on, she was REALLY feeling bad." Stage 4 cancer will do that. However, even in the last few weeks of her life, I remember watching her apply that famous eyeliner with her shaking hand and skeleton thin arm. It probably seemed ridiculous to some, but it was important to her. And it gave me comfort. I was losing her day by day, but seeing her worry with her make-up gave me a familiar glimpse of the woman she used to be.....Back when she wasn't sick and cancer seemed like a foreign concept.... Before we knew first-hand the ravaging effects of chemo and radiation. 

 

When mom was alive, digital cameras were not the norm. We took an entire roll of film, got the whole thing developed, and were forced to deal with any "unkind" pictures of ourselves. Where was the delete button? Ten years ago, we were forced to have paper copies of our double chins, bad hair, and closed eyes. Well, either mom did a fabulous job throwing out every "unprepared" picture of herself or she really was remarkable at her make-up regimen. (Like I remember.) I searched through hundreds of pictures today and found very few of momma without her signature bright lips and lined eyes.

 

In so many ways, I am turning into my mother. With every year that passes, I look and sound more her. Growing up, I promised myself that I would wear make-up like her when I was an "adult.". 31 years and 3.5 kids later, I probably qualify. I am avoiding sunburns, fighting wrinkles, and coloring gray hairs. I didn't get mom's olive, thick, skin (Thanks, dad) and already have more lines on my face than she did when she died at age 51. It's time to face the music. It's time break out the red lipstick.

So if you see me looking like I belong in the circus (or the side show), just smile and know that I living up to a legacy...... and I have some big shoes to fill.