Do you know that feeling you get when your stomach is tied up in knots? When you are absolutely positive the cause is emotional, not physical. That queasiness that we associate with anticipation, anxiety, and excitement. I get it every single time I run a race. From the minute I get there- to the time the race begins. I get the same feeling every time I ride a roller coaster. Those endless minutes of standing in line watching, listening, and counting how many seconds the ride takes. (Does anyone else do this?) I  have probably experienced this feeling most intensely the nights before the births of each of my boys. That familiar tug that holds me in its grip. For a little while at least. Just as quickly as the uneasiness begins, it ends. The horn sounds and I feel freedom with each stride. The ride starts and I get lost in the thrill. The sweet babies enter the world and love overcomes.

The feeling itself is not comfortable but there is a peace in knowing the outcome. I have ran handfuls of races, ridden countless coasters, and birthed three boys. I know how this all  should work. I know that with the release comes the unknown terrain, the unexpected drops, and pain of new life. However, I know that in the end it will be worth it.. The pain and unfamiliar territory is replaced with satisfaction and relief. I cross the finish line in one piece (so far), the ride ends with me still on it (I always worry about falling out), and the doctors hand me a precious baby boy (Thank you, Jesus.)  Just as I know the trials that precede the joy, oh how I know the contentment once I am on the other side.

Right now in this journey of life, it would be incredibly easy to be in a constant state of anxiety. It is a daily decision to put those jitters aside. We are entering a whole new world, leaving behind familiar ground. Our house is on the market and we do not know what the next few months will bring. We don't know where we will live or where Kevin will work if we move. We do not know where the boys will go to school. The list of questions with no answers stretches as far as I can think. But just as I find hope in the knowledge that races, roller coasters, and child birth eventually come to an end. This period will too. Just as I cry out to God during that last mile when my mind is telling me to quit and that last push when I am begging for a c-section, I will call to Him again. I will have faith. I will trust in His plan and His provision. I am so thankful to serve a God who loves me and offers me perfect peace. Contentment in the here and now.