More mercy

Just like you can't run your first mile today and expect to run a marathon tomorrow, you can't expect to become an expert at this motherhood thing overnight. When they handed me my first baby boy, I was clueless.  I did not know how to breastfeed a baby, burp a baby, or even change a baby! I had no idea how to take care of a newborn. All I knew is that I loved him with every ounce of my being and would do absolutely anything to make sure his needs were met. Within minutes of becoming a mother I began the process of learning how to mother. With time I mastered the art of nursing, patting Manning's in just the right way to produce the best burp, and even changing a diaper (without getting a surprise shower!) However, I still have so much to learn. I still mess up everyday. Even after having 3 babies, there are still days I feel completely, impossibly clueless. Not about meeting their physical needs. I am a pro at holding a baby, fixing a drink, and applying a band-aid to a non-existent boo-boo all at the same time.

It's the emotional needs that leave me doubting my mothering abilities. The times when they misbehave and I am at a loss as to the best way to discipline. The times when they need more love and less lecture. The times when I am thankful I serve a God of 2nd (and 3rd, 4th, and 100th) chances. Lately, I have found myself evaluating some of my current practices and changing some of my ways.

I am trying to become more of a "yes" mom. Attempting to say yes more than I say no. Trying to include my boys in every activity, even if it makes things a little more messier and a lot more time- consuming. Trying to play more and offer more fun surprises. Yes, we can go to the park (even though there are 92 loads of laundry to do, dishes in the sink, and countless other things that need to be done.)

I am trying to give more grace and mercy. They mess up. They sin. They make poor choices. So do I. Just as God gives us chance after chance, my children deserve 2nd chances too. There are times that I know they are truly sorry. They understand that they have made a mistake and need my forgiveness (but not discipline necessarily.)  I am praying that God will reveal to me when discipline is needed. I struggle with the a lot. I know our children need us to guide and shape them. I know that discipline is an essential part of parenting. However, I also know that there are not always consequences for my sins. Sometimes, of course, I have to face the music that comes with disobeying God's law.

My friends, mothering (parenting) is not a walk in the park. It's hard. It's a messy. It will make you cry. But laugh more. Because there is absolutely nothing (outside of being a child of the KING) that is better. It's a blessing, my calling, God's will for me.

Chasing Pigs

I preface this post with two things. First of all, this is a true story. Secondly, this is just one example of how far in the country we live.
My husband is such a smart guy. Seriously, in so many ways I wish I could be more like him. The other night he left to go hunting (with three kids and crazy, busy schedules hunting is more like a treat for him than the daily occurence it used to be.) He got about 2 miles from our house and got flagged down by some of our other neighbors. Was there a wreck? A car broken down? Possibly a flat tire? Oh, no. Someone's piglets were out. Yes, you read that right. The owners were not home, the fence was broken, and baby pigs were all over the place. So Kevin gets out and they try to figure out what to do with the loose swine. They decided to call Animal Control and let them handle it since there was no way to keep the piglets in. (Animal Control was already closed. This was 5:00 on a Friday afternoon. So they had to call the police. I find this hilarious!)
Anyways, our neighbors said they would try to corral the pigs while they waited for the police. After it was decided there was nothing left to do, Kevin said farewell and went hunting. That was what he had set out to do and there was no reason for an additional person to wait. This is where I appreciate my husband the most. If it had been me who had been stopped to help with the piglet situation, I would have never been able to leave. Why? Because I am a woman and I am Amy. I would have done one of two things: Either waited around because I would have felt indebted to everyone involved or went on my way all the while worrying and feeling guilty about leaving the other people to handle the issue.
I struggle with saying no, I hate to let people down, and I have hard time allowing myself a break. This is a continous battle. Who else struggles with these same things? Is this a gender issue or is it unique to a certain personality? 

I Got Tricks

I have two of the most temperature and sound sensitive children EVER. Seriously. My van has 3 different temperature settings (driver, passenger, and rear)- ridiculous I know. Yet it is not enough for Manning. He needs specific climate controls just for him that continously adjust to his needs.  "Momma, I am cold." 10 seconds passes. "Now, I am a little hot." Another 10 secs. "That's too cold- make it warmer."
Not to be left out, Myers needs the radio volume set at exactly level 12. Not 10, not 13, only 12. He can't read- how does it know?
After weeks and weeks of constantly changing the temperature and turning up the radio, I have finally figured it out. I got a whole bag of tricks and this is one of the best. As long as I put my hand on the temperature dial or the volume control, they are completely happy. Even if I do not change the current settings! They are content knowing I have validated their feelings. I have to hide my giggles every SINGLE time I ask, "Is that better?"  (knowing I have not changed it at ALL) and they nod totally pleased. Yes, I feel a little guilty about my tricks. However, as always my boys have taught me another good lesson. Am I content when my situation is less than ideal? When I want things a little different? When minor details are bugging me? If not, I need to reevaluate. Fifteen years ago I gave my life to Christ, from that point on HE has had HIS hand on the dials of my life. HE has control and I should be content knowing He is taking care of my needs. Just like I know Manning does not need the A/C on max when it is 50 degrees outside. (No matter how hot he says he is.) Our all-knowing, loving, God knows far better than I do about what I need. It is just up to me to nod and be pleased, when God decides to allow me to continue in a situation I would rather avoid.

Sleeping Babies

 

About half the time when we lay McCann down for the night, he immediately starts to suck his thumb and is asleep before we get out the door. Then there are the other times. The times when we have to scoop him up, cuddle for a few minutes, and usually rock him to sleep. It probably would be better if we attempted to get him to put himself to sleep. But somehow this way is better. For him and me. As I slowly rock him, I feel his body relax, and he lays his little head on my shoulder. It is in those precious moments that I find myself praying. Thanking God for this precious baby, for all my babies, for all my blessings. It seems that the nights when he needs my comfort are almost always at the end of the busiest of days. The days that I probably have not spent enough time praying. Is it possible that God uses the needs of our smallest son to draw me near to him? He knows I need the break from the chaos. I need the peace and quiet. I am so grateful for these gentle reminders from my loving Savior. Could it be possible that the amazing feeling I get rocking a sleepy McCann is the same feeling our LORD has when I spend time with him learning how to love him more?