Around here and in heaven

As usual, things are busy around here. The beautiful weather has given us all spring fever. We went to the park this week (twice), rode bikes, lived outside. I could so deal with a constant 80 degrees. Everyday. Year round.
I am planning baby boy's first birthday bash. I cannot believe that sweet little guy is 2 weeks shy of 1. Pure craziness. He is growing so fast. Quickly leaving the baby stage. Heading full steam ahead into the toddler world. Just tonight I reached my hands down to pick him up and instead he gave me five. He is taking 4-5 steps alone trying so hard to walk like his big brothers. How do they go from teeny tiny infants to high-five-giving little kids in the blink of an eye?
The big boys are full of energy themselves. Myers' favorite thing to tell me is, "Mommy, look at me with your eyes." Whether I am doing some important (taking care of his baby brother) or not so much (playing on pinterest), Myers wants my undivided attention. It makes me giggle everytime he says it, but it also make me think. He deserves my attention. All of it as much possible. They all do. They need to know that no matter how many things I have to do, I always have time for them.
Manning is himself. Always asking questions. Big, deep, thought-provoking, mommy doesn't know the answer, questions. Just this morning he asked me, "What do we land on when we fall down in heaven?" I, of course, have absolutely no idea. He responds, "I think it is grass." Oh, yeah. You might be right. Why do you think that though? "Because no one cries there and it doesn't hurt when you fall on grass."

 "And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:3-4


When I think of heaven I can't help but think of my momma. She died right after my 24th birthday. She was sick for 6 1/2 years. From her diagnosis to the morning she passed away. She battled cancer one quarter of our time together. My most recent and vivid memories of her are watching her fight. Watching her struggle. Watching her suffer. And ultimately watching her die.
Therefore, it makes my heart so happy to think of her now. Whole. Healthy. No pain. No tears. I know she can't see the terrible things that happen on earth. I praise Jesus for heaven. A place of eternal joy separated from the ugliness and heartache that define our world. However, I pray that my momma can see my boys, can hear their laughter. I pray she got to hold them close before they were given to me. I pray she knows how grateful I am for her. I am the mother I am today beacause of her.

Be still

"Life is a Highway" is Manning's favorite song EVER.  It is hilarious to hear him sing it. Loud. Usually half the wrong words. Absolutely precious.
Today was Manning's day. I was flipping through radio channels as we drove home from school and his beloved tune came on. He was so excited! But during the entire first verse he pleaded with me to play it again when it went off this time. I tried to explain that we were listening to the radio not a CD; therefore, I could not replay the song. He reminded me that we do, indeed, have a CD with this song on it. I reminded him that we were almost at our house and we could listen to it later. It kept on. Finally, I said, "Manning, just enjoy it now."
He was missing out on enjoying his favorite song of all time (imagine a 4 year old's enthusiasm) simply because he was worrying about when he would get to hear it again. He was so focused on what was happening next that he couldn't appreciate the moment.
As soon as the words escaped my lips, I mentally froze. God had me in His grip. He (again) was using my babies to teach me. How many times do I waste opportunities today because I am too busy planning tomorrow?
We want to graduate college, we want to get married, then buy house, and have kids. It is the natural progression of life. But sometimes, I fear, we don't enjoy the right now enough because we are too busy "longing" for the next stage. Time flies. It seems like only yesterday we were bringing McCann home from the hospital. But that warm, February day was 11 months ago. My newborn is almost a toddler.
I am praying that this year I will be aware of capturing these days, holding onto my babies, being peaceful right where I am. It won't be like this for long. In a blink of an eye, our babies will be grown and we will miss these days of little sleep, constant loudness, and arguing siblings.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

Christmas 2012

I love Christmas. I love the emphasis on the birth of our Savior. I love Christmas carols, Black Friday sales, parties, getting cards, decorating, pretty much the whole deal. I love the beauty of the season. I love that it never gets old. Every single year we enter this time with excitement and awe as we prepare to celebrate the birthday of our King. I love the rush. Shopping until the very last minute. Even going to the mall just to watch all those other crazy people rush around. That is good stuff. However, this year was unique.
I still loved every single second, but my experience was so very different this year. Satan tried really hard to rain on our parade and to mess up our plans in the form of pesky little sicknesses. From the beginning of December up until several days before Christmas, we battled a stomach virus, pink eye, the flu, strep throat, and some nasty colds. Out of the five of those, I had 3 of them. There were several days that I did not even get out of bed. Seriously, my husband, my daddy and my in-laws rock. They did everything. Now, I am very aware that even in the midst of all that- we are blessed folks and I am so incredibly thankful for our health! I am also grateful for the lessons I learned this year.
Since I spent most of December quarantined in our house I missed out on a lot all of the fun parties and activities. Was I bummed when Kevin and the boys left to go celebrate without me? YES! Did I force them to go even though they told me they would stay home? YES! Did I sit on the couch and cuddle that sweet baby boy I love so much? My goodness yes!
And you know what? This year was not busy. I did not rush. But I loved it! I have always known that the true meaning of Christmas was found in a manger, not a store. However, it is so very easy to become enamored with the other things that accompany this time of year. Though they are good, well meaning things -they pull our focus away from the heart of Christmas. The spirit of Jesus can get lost in our busy schedules, in the excitement of gifts, and rush of all things seasonal.
But I found it this year. The true Christmas spirit.  It is in my 4 year old who memorized Isaiah 9:6 to surprise and recite for his daddy on Christmas morning. (There little brains are like sponges. That kid knew it after a week of practicing and shared it with daddy long before Christmas!) It is in my 2 year singing "Away in a Manger" completely unprompted. It is all 5 of us cuddled on the couch fighting over one blanket (like there are not 92 more spread through out our house.) It's watching the "Grinch" and singing along.
"Because maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, perhaps maybe Christmas is a little bit more."

It's glancing across the room, above the chaos of toys, laughter, and kids, to meet Kevin's eye. Knowing, he too, feels what words do not have to say. The love, the warmth, the Jesus. Right here in this place.

My friends, Mr. Grinch was so right. It is so, so, so much more than anything bought at a store.

"For unto us a child is born,

a son is given:

the government will rest on His shoulders.

And He will be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

 

Defining moments

 I ask that you join me in praying for all those families in Ct. who lost their precious children today.

There are moments that define our lives. Times that mark beginnings and endings. Times that divide our lives into before and afters. Sometimes these events are so small and insignificant that we fail to recognize their magnitude when they occur. Other times, they are so obvious we cannot help but see their importance. Good or bad. Right or wrong. This is the substance of life. The dots we connect when we look back at our past.  Right now, our little family is experiencing one of those big life changes. A change that will impact us all. Thankfully, this is a good wonderful change that Kevin and I are so incredibly excited about.
Looking back, I can easily spot the moments that have defined my life to this point....

Spring 1997- Gave my heart to Christ. Did I still screw up after this? Yes. Did I still make unfortunate mistakes that directly disobeyed God's commandments? Yes. Did I lay in bed at night begging God to forgive me? Yes. Did God's grace cover my sins and did I repent? YES.

June 1, 1997- Baptized.

September 1999- My sweet momma woke me up to tell me she had breast cancer. At the time, I had no clue what this meant for her or us, as a family.

Tuesday, October 5th 2004- I had a first kiss with a man and knew I would NEVER kiss another.

Tuesday, November 1, 2004- I agreed to marry that same man.

Saturday, May 21, 2005 @ 5:00- I became Kevin's bride.

March 2006- I got a call at work to come straight home. I walked into my parents house and perched on the arm of the couch. (I will never forget these details because what happened next forever changed me.) Daddy and momma gently explained that mom's cancer was in her brain. She had 3 months at best. I no longer had a sick momma. I had a dying momma. What a difference one word makes.

April 14th, 2006 @ 1-ish am- She did not make it 3 months. She lasted 6 weeks and early that Good Friday morning my momma met Jesus. I was lost. I felt like my heart had been removed from my body and died right there beside her in that bed my parents had shared for the last 32 years.

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 @1:55 pm- After 22 hours of  hard labor, God handed me my heart back in the form of a cone-headed (sorry, buddy- but it is the truth) baby boy. Manning Ryan changed me. He made me a momma and I will forever be grateful for that boy. I became assertive, protective, and nurturing in an instant. I would give up my life for this 7lbs of joy.

Wednesday, April 14th 2010 @ 12:30pm- I realized that God can replace sadness with happiness. My second precious baby boy was born on the date of my mother's death (4 years later.) When they handed me that chunky newborn my heart literally doubled. Anyone who has more than one child will agree with me. You find room to love this one JUST as much as the first one. The same fierce intensity. It's amazing. I have a favorite pair of shoes, a favorite food, and a favorite pair of jeans. But I could never have a favorite child. God just did not make us mommas that way. Myers Wilson has brought so much laughter into our house. I cannot imagine anyone more hilarious than this tiny little guy.

Friday, February 3rd, 2012 @ 1:08pm- Arriving with complete urgency, with a decreasing heart rate, and vacuum delivery, McCann Riggs proved again that our GOD knows what HE is doing. Looking in Kevin's teary eyes, as the machines beeped, and nurses rushed in, I knew this baby was going to be so special. I mean, seriously, what an entrance. This kid is the happiest, mellow, momma-loving baby. Again, my heart just embraces this precious baby. I hold onto him, loving him so much.

And here we are nearly 11 months later.

In August, I agreed to "facilitate" a women's Bible Study at my church. It was the study of Jonah written by Priscilla Shirer. She focosed on changing our perspective on the we view interruptions in our life. "Priscilla redefines interruption and shows that interruption is actually God's invitation to do something beyond our wildest dreams. When Jonah was willing to allow God to interrupt his life, the result was revival in an entire city." She challenged us to see God's movement in our lives as a "divine intervention" rather than an interruption.

Although my schedule was already busy and I knew I might should decline, something compelled me to lead this group (even before I knew about the topic) . Little did I know God was preparing my heart and gearing me up for a huge "divine intervention."

Early November 2012

As a family, we have been called to full-time ministry. Kevin will be attending seminary in the fall of next year and we will seek to follow God as he leads us down HIS perfect path.  This decision has changed us, already redefining the way we approach life. We thank you, in advance, for your prayers and support.

Raising Men

"We are not raising little boys. We are raising men."

 

 

The first time I read that quote I immediately didn't like it. Don't get me wrong  I pray for my boys to grow spiritually, physically, and mentally. I desire for them to become God-fearing, honorable, trustworthy men. That is, after all, the ultimate goal of this whole parenting gig. We are entrusted with these little people who change our world and in turn we are responsible for guiding, teaching, and shaping them into adults. My head knows all that. It just doesn't want to tell my heart. In my heart, they will always be my babies. Small enough to fit in my lap and willing to hold my hand.

 

But I know truth when I see it. We don't need our little boys to become bigger boys. We need them to become men.

 

So...how do we raise our buys to become adults? We pray (A LOT), we teach them the Word of God, we take them to church, and we live the lives we want them to mimic. What a tremendous calling!

My boys are so very observant. They do not miss anything (sometimes we wish they would!) Our lives are a stage and they are our constant audience. The only difference is we never get an intermission and they are well aware of what happens backstage. Their is no putting up a front with these little guys. They see the real deal.

 

I was very convicted recently by my 2 year old. As a norm, I read and study my Bible when they are asleep. (We read theirs to them but I do my quiet time when things are well......quiet.) This may seem like the best thing, but I have discovered that I was taking the complete wrong approach. I had checked out a paperback from the church library. It was a fabulous Christian fiction book. (Yes, I am trying to make myself feel better!) Anyways, it was beside me on the couch and Myers said, "That's mommy's Bible." NOOOOOO! This is just a book mommy is reading. Moment of truth. I NEED to read my Bible in front of my kids. Telling them is not good enough. They need to see me studying HIS Word.

 

I am so thankful for my husband. These boys have the absolute best example of a Christian man. He is true to the core, always involved, and constantly teaching them about Christ's love. I thank God for his leadership in our lives.

 

Kevin doesn't like this song, but I can't help but think of him everytime I hear it.

 





 

"He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you"

 

 



More mercy

Just like you can't run your first mile today and expect to run a marathon tomorrow, you can't expect to become an expert at this motherhood thing overnight. When they handed me my first baby boy, I was clueless.  I did not know how to breastfeed a baby, burp a baby, or even change a baby! I had no idea how to take care of a newborn. All I knew is that I loved him with every ounce of my being and would do absolutely anything to make sure his needs were met. Within minutes of becoming a mother I began the process of learning how to mother. With time I mastered the art of nursing, patting Manning's in just the right way to produce the best burp, and even changing a diaper (without getting a surprise shower!) However, I still have so much to learn. I still mess up everyday. Even after having 3 babies, there are still days I feel completely, impossibly clueless. Not about meeting their physical needs. I am a pro at holding a baby, fixing a drink, and applying a band-aid to a non-existent boo-boo all at the same time.

It's the emotional needs that leave me doubting my mothering abilities. The times when they misbehave and I am at a loss as to the best way to discipline. The times when they need more love and less lecture. The times when I am thankful I serve a God of 2nd (and 3rd, 4th, and 100th) chances. Lately, I have found myself evaluating some of my current practices and changing some of my ways.

I am trying to become more of a "yes" mom. Attempting to say yes more than I say no. Trying to include my boys in every activity, even if it makes things a little more messier and a lot more time- consuming. Trying to play more and offer more fun surprises. Yes, we can go to the park (even though there are 92 loads of laundry to do, dishes in the sink, and countless other things that need to be done.)

I am trying to give more grace and mercy. They mess up. They sin. They make poor choices. So do I. Just as God gives us chance after chance, my children deserve 2nd chances too. There are times that I know they are truly sorry. They understand that they have made a mistake and need my forgiveness (but not discipline necessarily.)  I am praying that God will reveal to me when discipline is needed. I struggle with the a lot. I know our children need us to guide and shape them. I know that discipline is an essential part of parenting. However, I also know that there are not always consequences for my sins. Sometimes, of course, I have to face the music that comes with disobeying God's law.

My friends, mothering (parenting) is not a walk in the park. It's hard. It's a messy. It will make you cry. But laugh more. Because there is absolutely nothing (outside of being a child of the KING) that is better. It's a blessing, my calling, God's will for me.

Chasing Pigs

I preface this post with two things. First of all, this is a true story. Secondly, this is just one example of how far in the country we live.
My husband is such a smart guy. Seriously, in so many ways I wish I could be more like him. The other night he left to go hunting (with three kids and crazy, busy schedules hunting is more like a treat for him than the daily occurence it used to be.) He got about 2 miles from our house and got flagged down by some of our other neighbors. Was there a wreck? A car broken down? Possibly a flat tire? Oh, no. Someone's piglets were out. Yes, you read that right. The owners were not home, the fence was broken, and baby pigs were all over the place. So Kevin gets out and they try to figure out what to do with the loose swine. They decided to call Animal Control and let them handle it since there was no way to keep the piglets in. (Animal Control was already closed. This was 5:00 on a Friday afternoon. So they had to call the police. I find this hilarious!)
Anyways, our neighbors said they would try to corral the pigs while they waited for the police. After it was decided there was nothing left to do, Kevin said farewell and went hunting. That was what he had set out to do and there was no reason for an additional person to wait. This is where I appreciate my husband the most. If it had been me who had been stopped to help with the piglet situation, I would have never been able to leave. Why? Because I am a woman and I am Amy. I would have done one of two things: Either waited around because I would have felt indebted to everyone involved or went on my way all the while worrying and feeling guilty about leaving the other people to handle the issue.
I struggle with saying no, I hate to let people down, and I have hard time allowing myself a break. This is a continous battle. Who else struggles with these same things? Is this a gender issue or is it unique to a certain personality?