Some truth

Someone asked me the other day if I had a blog. Why, yes I do. Do I blog regularly? Absolutely not. In fact, I haven't blogged one time since my precious McCann was born. I am too busy taking care of three little guys to write a grocery list much less a daily account of our life. (Though it would be quite entertaining) Today, on this blessed Easter Sunday I want to offer some truth. Sometimes it is just nice to be real and that is what I am offering. I am reposting something I wrote over a year ago. It will surprise many but not those of you who knew me 10 years ago. Before I start...Happy Easter- HE IS RISEN! (and that is the TRUTH)

I have always been one to hold myself to ungodly standards (yes, I said ungodly). Though I came to know Jesus when I was 15, I did not fully grasp HIS love and devotion until years later. In high school, I measured my success as person on the amount and expense of my clothes and the number of friends I could accumulate. In college, my worth was based on my 3.9 GPA and my desire to please all my professors. I based my perception of myself on my possessions, my friends, my popularity, my grades, and most significantly on my weight. I am not sure of the exact event that sparked the beginning of my obsession with my weight. I do know that as a junior in high school, I was an average size teenager with what I believed was a healthy mom. By the beginning of my senior year, things were dramatically different than the year before. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my weight became my new fixation. It was a gradual process. I dieted, began to exercise, and liked the newer smaller version of Amy. As I went off to Clemson, leaving behind a sick mom and a situation I could not control, my weight began to plummet. However, no matter how thin I became it was never enough. I limited calories and would at times only eat one meal a day. In addition, I would work out for hours burning the few calories I consumed each day. My mother was dying and I could not do one about thing it. But I could change the way I looked... by starving myself. At the time, I would have never admitted what I was doing. In fact, I even tried to hide my eating disorder. I would adamantly defend myself disputing anyone who even hinted that I might have a problem. My mom was the leader of this group of people. She saw the issue and begged me to change. To this day, I regret not getting help while she was still alive. After 4 years of college, I graduated from Clemson University. Soon after graduation, I met my future husband and fell in love. Even with a new man and a wedding to plan, nothing could distract me from my weight obsession. I knew Kevin thought I was beautiful and I even knew he would like me better if I was not so thin. I wanted to change. I did not want him to worry about his bride. I just could not stop the roller coaster that was my life. At our wedding, I weighed 112 lbs (this was not my lowest weight and I am 5'8), almost 30 pounds less than my ideal weight by medical standards. I did not have regular menstrual periods and I was starving most of the time. I chewed gum constantly in order to keep my hunger at bay. Two months before our first anniversary, my mom’s cancer had moved from breast to bone to lungs and now finally to her brain. My sweet momma went to be with Jesus that April. I lost my best friend and biggest fan that Good Friday morning. The next year passed in a blur of sadness and memories. I was still focused on my weight and I was having a harder time staying as small as I once had been. Then in summer of 2007 something miraculous happened. I got pregnant. I always thought I would have a hard time conceiving. Looking back I know God blessed me with those frustrating extra pounds to allow my body to become pregnant. This was the beginning of the end of my disease. I had a brand new life within me and I was responsible for nourishing this sweet baby. I took my job seriously. I gained a healthy 28 lbs and delivered a 7 and a half pound baby boy. I nursed Manning for a year and rarely thought about my weight. I still cared but I had so much more to think about than the size of my pants. I was 121 lbs when I got pregnant with my second son in the summer of 2009. After a 50 plus weight gain, I delivered an almost 9lbs baby boy. 12 months later, I am still nursing Myers. I am at a healthy weight for my height and I am happy with the way I look in the mirror. Do I miss being rail thin and having a perfectly flat stomach? I would be lying if I said no. There are times I step on the scale compulsively hoping pounds will disappear. But you know what? There is more to life than exercise, diets, and weight. There is life and God wants us to live it abundantly. God loves me because I am Amy. His daughter. He does not love me any more at 110 lbs than he does at 130lbs. I wish I could take all the time I wasted being consumed about my weight and return it. I wish I could live all those years again exerting all the energy I used on my obsessions with spreading God’s love. I hate to think about the people that I didn’t witness to because I was too absorbed in myself. I am not proud of those years, but I am grateful for them.

That's where I stopped. I am not sure if I was finished or if the babies were crying and I just quit writing. Either way, I am truly thankful the journey of anorexia is over. I am happy with the body I have. Not because it is perfect, but because it is God's temple. It has carried 3 of God's most wonderful blessings.

Missing Mom....

I have been 38 weeks pregnant about to give birth to a precious baby boy THREE times in the last 3 and 1/2 years. (This seems crazy but it is absolutely perfect for us.)Each time has been unique and special in it's own way. However, each time three things have remained the same. First,the process of pregnancy always gives me such an appreciation for my Heavenly Father. What an awesome GOD! I cannot understand how anyone who has had a child could NOT believe in God?! From the first time we heard a heartbeat until this very day I am in constant of awe of God's goodness! (and I am sure if I did this 10 more times I would ALWAYS feel this same way) Secondly, with every pregnancy, I love this little person more than life itself. From the moment of conception, I would give up my life for them. For Manning, for Myers, and for McCann. Lastly, as my due date approaches each time, I find myself aching for my momma. I always miss her. Everyday. But the days that I long for her the most are those before, during, and after the births of my babies.
I remember in the hours before my mother's death telling my daddy, "But Daddy, my babies will never know her." I also recall my dad's words in response, "Baby, we will tell them all about her. We will make sure they know how much your momma would have loved them." So as my children get older, I make a point of telling them about Mema. I explain that she was Granddaddy's wife, mommy's momma, and their wonderful grandma. Lately many of my friends are getting pregnant and having babies. It is such an exciting time! I love the joy that comes with each birth annoucement. I love the expectation that comes with each gender reveal. I love the the instant adoration that parents have for their new babies. I also love one thing that I will never experience, the look of pride on the grandmother's face as she watches her daughter nurture a new life. This I miss. I wish my momma could be here. To tell me I was doing this right, to give me support, and to love on me like only a momma can. So as we near McCann's birthday, I pray that God will give us a healthy baby boy, that Manning and Myers would love their new brother, and that in the midst of it all I will feel HIS and her presence.

Carrie Underwood's legs? No, thank you!

I heard on the radio a few nights ago that Carrie Underwood is 29 years old. WHAT!? I am 29.... I really like believing that she is closer to 20. Why does she look a decade younger and I look every single week of my 29 years. I will give you 3 guesses. They all start with "M" and are under 4 feet tall! But would I trade motherhood for youthfulness, great legs, and all the money in the world? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Not in a million years! I am in total love with every part of being Manning, Myers, and McCann's mommy. I can barely believe that within 3 short weeks (give or take a few days) I will have 3 little boys in my house. How did I ever get so lucky? Not lucky...BLESSED.
I love the looks I get when the 3 and 1/2 of us walk in stores (Manning, Myers, me and my enormous belly). Better is when I am shopping alone (yes, this happens. My husband rocks.) and some sweet old lady asks me if this is my first. "No, my third." This is always followed up with one of two questions: "Do you know what you are having?" or "How old are your other two?" I respond, "My third boy all 3 and under." I get the best "God bless you" and "Lord have mercy" responses. You know what HE already has. He has blessed me and shown me mercy over and over.
I really hope I will update with some pictures of McCann's nursery in the next few weeks. However, that would mean that it is complete. Everytime I think we are close something happens and we backtrack. Today for example, I had all sorts of plans to "finish" my precious baby's room. It didn't happen. Instead the washing machine broke which meant we had to clean out the laundry room. Where did all the "extra" stuff that lives in my laundry temporarily get placed? McCann's room, of course. Sweet boy, we are so ready to meet you and we promise to love you to the moon and back. And we sincerely hope your room is ready when you make your big entrance...

Growing up....

In September 2007, we found out that we were pregnant with our first baby. We did not know yet that we were having a boy or that we would be blessed with our precious Manning. Fast forward, four short years and my first born is in 3K! His first day was Tuesday and he did so well. He walked in 5 steps ahead of me and barely even told me goodbye. He loves his school, his teacher, and his new camo bookbag! Mommy and Daddy are so proud of our little man and we thank God for giving him to us!

Updating

Kevin got elected to be a deacon at our church several weeks ago and he will be ordained next Sunday night. (I am proud wife!) However, when the church secretary called and said she needed and updated picture of the 4 (almost 5 of us), I was completely shocked when I realized that I have absolutely NO recent pictures of all of us together. And since the only one she had was taken when Manning was 6 months old- I figured I needed to do something about this! We have plenty of pictures of the boys, some with Kevin or me with the boys, but none of all of us together. So here you go...the Hatchell clan. Manning-3 yrs, Myers- 16 months, Mommy- almost 18 weeks pregnant with McCann

Advice please....

I am certified to teach 9th-12th grade Language Arts, but I REALLY have a desire to get a Master's in Elementary Ed. I have researched so many online options (which by the way are endless!)
There are countless different programs with different layouts and varying costs. Can anyone give me advice about online programs that are both credible and cost-efficient?Thanks!

1st Trimester Reflection

We are a mere 2 days away from being 13 weeks pregnant with our third precious bundle of joy! I am excited to say that I am already experiencing that beautiful 2nd trimester relief. The first 11 weeks or so if this pregnancy was truly difficult on my body- so different from my first two pregnancies. To start, I started bleeding about 48 hours after my first positive pregnancy test. I will admit I thought the baby was gone. I cried- ok I sobbed. I pretty much surrendered to the idea of miscarriage. However, the bleeding only lasted 1 night and by the next week my blood work showed that I was indeed still pregnant. So we went in for an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. Guess what? There was a yolk sac but no baby yet. They told me it could mean one of two things. Either, I was earlier than they thought or we were experiencing a blighted ovum. A who? Pretty much that would mean that an egg had been fertilized and a baby had been conceived; but had stopped developing very early. So, we had to wait 12 LONG days for a repeat ultrasound. By then we should see a baby and hear a heartbeat if this was a viable pregnancy. If not, the yolk sac would be all we would see. Fast forward almost 2 weeks and I was convinced this baby was FINE. I felt it in my heart- I knew my baby was alive AND perfect. God gave me complete peace over the situation. Kevin and I went in faithful that we would see our tiny baby and hear his/her sweet heartbeat. And we did! Several weeks later we had another ultrasound and we saw it's arms and legs. God is so good ALL the time! Since then we have heard it's heartbeat three times on the doppler and in 3 weeks we hope to find out what we are having! I jokingly say it's a girl because this baby has not only been extremely high maintenance, but also such a fighter. If it is indeed a girl, we will call her Ruby-Kate after my momma, who was the most courageous fighter I have ever known. Do I think it's a girl? Maybe, maybe not. I get asked all the time if I WANT it to be a girl. How do you answer that? I got my wish- I am pregnant- I wanted our baby! We love our boys and would be thrilled to add a third to our bunch. A girl would be a wonderful blessing as well....so we will see!