Learning as I go...

My sweet husband got my blogs printed into book form as a gift to me this Christmas. (I, having too many perfectionist tendencies, immediately asked if he had corrected my grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.) I love these keepsakes even with their countless linguistic flaws. I love reading and reflecting on each blog- remembering life during that particular time. I am so thankful that I documented those memories. I hope I will record even more in 2014.
 I love to write and find such joy in the process of putting my thoughts on paper. However, I often struggle with confidence in my subject area. I am not an expert at anything. I am not fashionable. I have boring hair. And if you are waiting on me to teach you how to cook, sew, or budget you better be very patient. There are days I wish I had an exciting career filled with travel, business attire, and praise. Then I feel like I would be equipped to share all sorts of interesting stories. These moments of desire for a life so unlike my own usually occur at the end of the longest of days. After hours of whining, arguing siblings, and disobedience- it is easy to lose focus of the beauty of being home with my babies. Then God pulls me back in and sets me straight. THIS is what I was made for. The constant care of these precious little people He gave to us. I am definitely not using my hard earned Clemson degree and my resume is surely not impressive. But my heart is full and I am at peace even in the daily struggles of raising 3 (almost) 4 small children. They teach me more about love, mercy, and grace than I could learn in 1,000 years working outside of the home. They love unconditionally and forgive without question. With each new day, I learn more about what it means to be a mother. I learn what to allow and when to enforce rules. I learn when to impose boundaries, and when to give them a break. It takes time to figure out how to find the balance to this parenting gig. I am certainly no expert and really don't know that I will ever be. But I am so incredibly thankful that God (and Kevin) have given me this opportunity.

Thankfulness

I always think it is a great idea to reflect on the many blessings we have, especially during the month of November. However, I can NEVER remember to post something everyday. So, this year I decided to start November off right. Thanking God for all he has given to me. Here are my first 15 "days" of Thankfulness (all in one day) and maybe hopefully sometime before the end of the month I will remember to post the last 15.

1. Jesus Christ. There is no greater sacrifice and no greater love.
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:9-11

2. Kevin Hatchell. His selfless love, his compassion, his devotion to our babies, his desire to know God deeper, his competitive spirit, his ability to grow a beard in 2 days, the list goes on and on.

3. Three little boys who call me "momma." So incredibly grateful that God chose Kevin and I to be their parents. There is no earthly joy better than what these babies bring into our lives.

 

4. Ruby Kate. Preparing for our daughter's arrival has brought us so much joy!

5. My daddy. A man who is willing to drop everything to help me.  No matter the time or circumstance, I know I can count on him.

6. Aunts who spoil me rotten and treat me like their daughter.

 

7. CBS (Community Bible Study) It wasn't my plan to be free on Wednesday mornings, God had other ideas. Boy, am I glad He knows better than I do what I need. Because I certainly needed CBS and the encouragement I have found there.

 

8. Friends that count as family. Those people that make my life easier and happier just by being there.

 

9. Chick-fi-la tea. No explanation needed.

 

10. Generous people who have given to us without being asked.

 

11. My iphone. After using my old school, sliding keyboard, the  #9 doesn't work, cell phone for years, it was such a wonderful surprise to get an iphone.

 

12. McCann's blanket = instant comfort to our almost 2 yr old.

 

13. Bedtime. I have never been so tired as I have been the last 5 months. Baby girl must be taking all my energy.

 

14. Dec. 10th. Christmas break begins for Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Whoo hoo!

 

15. Our house is off the market = No crazy cleaning



 

Sale or Sell? Pregnancy makes spelling harder than it should be.

"Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need."
                                                                                                                             -Sarah Ban Breathnach

Our house is still for sale. It hasn't shown much over the last few weeks. We have learned that things are totally unpredictable when it comes to selling houses. You never know what influences interested buyers or which weeks it might show 3 times (or none at all).  I am a planner and I like to know what is going to happen next. My husband calls it "being controlling." Either way, it is an extremely difficult process for someone like me. The frantic cleaning, the constant need to reorganize, and the wide array of emotions that I experience every time I see our realtor's number on my phone all make this hard for me. I immediately get excited at the thought that this might be "the one." The excitement fades and it is replaced with unshakeable sense of nostalgia.

For all practical purposes, it would be best for us to sell this house. As we prepare for the new baby's arrival, we will be moving McCann into Manning and Myers' room. Things are going to be tight. Our table will hold exactly 6 and our kitchen is maxed out. (If you come to our house for dinner, plan to sit at a card table.) I am not complaining, merely being realistic.  We have added onto the house twice already to fit our growing family. Without making the layout awkward, there is no feasible way to expand anymore. In my frustration over lack of space and an overabundance of stuff, it is easy for me to be enthusiastic about the prospect of moving on.

Then there is the other side of it all.  The part of me that clings to the familiar. The part that doesn't see the limited space, but the memories we have made here. (Insert sappy Hallmark card) Seriously,  our family's history is right here in these walls. Kevin and I shared our first kiss in this living room on Tuesday, Oct 5th, nine years ago. He told me he loved me just 3 days later in the exact same place and 52 days after that he proposed, you guessed it....... right here.

During the year after we got married, this house became my safe haven. It was no longer Kevin's house, it was home. I spent most of my waking hours, outside of work, with momma in the house that I was raised in. Momma and Daddy built that house when I was five and I have very few memories before we lived there. I love that house and I am so glad my daddy has chosen to stay there. But it is no longer home.

Fast forward one more year, I can envision myself flinging the front door open, bounding down the steps, meeting Kevin on the walkway, pregnancy test in hand. Two pink lines. We were going to have our very first baby. I will never forget that moment. Or the one that followed 8 or so months later when we brought Manning home. We gently sat the brand new carrier with the brand new blanket, covering our brand new baby in the middle of the living room. What do we do now? Boy, we had a lot to learn and we have...... right here in this house.

We have had 3 more positive pregnancy tests since then. We have brought home 2 more precious boys (though not in a new carrier!) It's difficult to imagine bringing our 4th child home anywhere else.

As with everything, it's all in God's perfect timing. As much as I would love to know the "whens" of this entire process, I trust that God knows exactly what He is doing. When our house sells (or doesn't) I want to have perfect peace that it was all a part of His bigger plan.


I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was. Likewise, I never imagined that home might be something I would miss.” 
                                                                                                                                          -Ransom Riggs

I hear it all time. My boys look just like Kevin. I agree...mostly. Manning and McCann (esp. McCann) do really favor their daddy. They have his bright blue eyes, tiny noses, and full lips. Then there is Myers. He is such a cute kid, but with his green eyes, wider (like his momma's) nose, and thinner lips....he does not look as much like his daddy as the other two mini-Kevin's. I like to take credit for Myers' looks. I mean of the three - he is the only one who slightly favors me. (Maybe #4 will come out looking just like me. Yeah, right. Kevin obviously has some strong genes.)

But it's actually not me that my precious middle boy favors. Check this out.

 

The little boy in the pictures.....my Daddy! Myers looks just like him! Dad was around 4 in these pictures and it amazes me how similar they look!

Red Lipstick

 

 

My momma always wore her make-up. She was an "eye-liner and bright lipstick" kinda lady. I used to tease with her, telling her she put on her face to check the mail. In fact, Dr. Pavy and his staff (her oncologist) routinely commented that, "If Mrs. Ruby didn't have her make-up on, she was REALLY feeling bad." Stage 4 cancer will do that. However, even in the last few weeks of her life, I remember watching her apply that famous eyeliner with her shaking hand and skeleton thin arm. It probably seemed ridiculous to some, but it was important to her. And it gave me comfort. I was losing her day by day, but seeing her worry with her make-up gave me a familiar glimpse of the woman she used to be.....Back when she wasn't sick and cancer seemed like a foreign concept.... Before we knew first-hand the ravaging effects of chemo and radiation. 

 

When mom was alive, digital cameras were not the norm. We took an entire roll of film, got the whole thing developed, and were forced to deal with any "unkind" pictures of ourselves. Where was the delete button? Ten years ago, we were forced to have paper copies of our double chins, bad hair, and closed eyes. Well, either mom did a fabulous job throwing out every "unprepared" picture of herself or she really was remarkable at her make-up regimen. (Like I remember.) I searched through hundreds of pictures today and found very few of momma without her signature bright lips and lined eyes.

 

In so many ways, I am turning into my mother. With every year that passes, I look and sound more her. Growing up, I promised myself that I would wear make-up like her when I was an "adult.". 31 years and 3.5 kids later, I probably qualify. I am avoiding sunburns, fighting wrinkles, and coloring gray hairs. I didn't get mom's olive, thick, skin (Thanks, dad) and already have more lines on my face than she did when she died at age 51. It's time to face the music. It's time break out the red lipstick.

So if you see me looking like I belong in the circus (or the side show), just smile and know that I living up to a legacy...... and I have some big shoes to fill.

 

 

Boogers and Bananas

Boogers or Bananas. That's what Kevin thinks I should rename my blog. Smallest boy loves bananas. Seriously, he can eat muliple bananas everyday and he goes nuts everytime we pass them in the grocery store. So, at least once a day Kevin or I ask, "What's that on the baby's face?" The response is always the same. "It's either boogers or bananas."

We spent last week at the beach. 8 days of bliss. It was the best vacation ever. Seriously, it was absolutely perfect weather, the boys played outside all day everyday, and we had sweet friends to hang out with all week. Of course, with three little boys under five there is chaos. Always. We find calm in that chaos though. It is our norm. One day we went on the beach late in the evening. There were only a handful of other people out. As we walked  I was overwhelmed with the blessing of my family. This man, God gave me, is my rock and these sons of ours bring us joy every single day. They are my biggest ministry. My personal mission is to teach my children the love of Christ and the power of the cross. There are so many things that need my attention. So many things that demand my time and energy. However, no matter what gets left by the wayside or dropped off my too full plate- teaching them about Jesus' love for them will come first. Though I try my best to be exactly what God has called me to be for my boys.  I fail everyday. I get caught up in the meaningless, trivial, yet time-consuming things in our world.  God forgives me and He teaches me that even in my weakness He can be glorified. It is amazing how often the Lord uses my little men to show me his love and power.

Myers was a quiet 1 year old. He never said much and when he did it was only a few words. This shocked us especially coming after motormouth  Manning. As a baby and toddler, Myers was always more reserved, more cautious, more wary of strangers. Then, he turned two. The gate was opened and we have not had a moment of silence in the last year. He is the most talkative kid EVER. It is non-stop questions. "Momma, why you doing that?" "How you going to do it?" "Momma, how come you did it that way?" It's endless. I find it endearing and comical. God makes us mommas especially immune to nuisances of our own children.
His favorite place to ask questions is in the car. Usually I can respond right away and we can move on. However, the other day, the interrogation started and I was trying to pull into a gas station. Manuevering between traffic in the Wal-mart parking lot is not the time to be put in the hot seat. So I failed. I did not answer him in a timely manner. I was concentrating and just could not focus on his relentless questions. Patience is not his (or my) strong point. So after 92 unanswered questions, he yells, "Momma, answer me right now!"

I had to hide my laughter. I had to look away as I explained how he needed to be respectful. I could not help but think about where he got his persistence from me. ME!!! Right now, I have so many questions and I feel like I am constantly asking God for answers. That day, Myers helped me see how much I still have to learn. Just like I only answer Myers when I know the time is right- God only answers our prayers in His perfect timing. I pray that I will have patience as I wait on the answers that will shape our future.

Tough Questions

8 months pregnant with Manning

If you live in Florence and have driven through the stoplight at the intersection of Irby and 2nd Loop, you have no doubt seen the sweet elderly couple that walks the sidewalk beside Hardees. They wear babydolls strapped to their chest, push strollers filled with life-like dolls, and carry signs that read,"Stop Abortion Now." I always smile and nod when I see them. I assume judging by the sheer number of carseats in my van they can see that I share their beliefs. I am not certain as to the effectiveness of their method, but at least they are doing SOMETHING!

8 months pregnant with Myers

Last week was like any other, however, this time my boys were with me and I know my boys. I see the couple, I hold my breath as we sit in the center lane. Maybe they won't notice them since there is another lane of cars separating us. No chance. From the very back seat I hear, "Momma, why are those people carrying baby dolls?" I take a deep "Help me, Jesus" sigh and in the most pre-school manner explained to my 3 and 4 year old what abortion is. They were silent in disbelief. As the light changed and we drove off, Manning questioned, "Momma, people do that in our world?"
I answered: "Yes, baby. They do it in our world and even in our town."
Again, my response was met with silence. They are so innocent. I hate exposing them to the sin in the world. However, I can't lie and hide the truth.
We continued towards home and I prayed they would move on to a new topic. Nope.
Manning comments: "I am glad you didn't do that [have an abortion.] Because I would be dead now."
I blinked back tears and responded, "Sweetheart, I would have Never done that. First of all, the Bibe tells us that abortion is murder and murder is ALWAYS wrong. Secondly, Daddy and I wanted you and your brothers with every ounce of our beings."
Myers finally speaks up, "When people die they go to heaven." Things keep getting deeper and I am beginning to wonder if I should have changed the subject when they started the questioning. Then Manning said something that made all the uneasiness of this conversation worthwhile, "I don't think people who have abortions have a Bible. I think we should give them all one." With gooscbumps, I answered,
"You are right. So very right."
Thank you, God, for these sweet boys and their understanding and desire for YOU. I pray that as they inevidently see more sin in this world, they will meet it with the same faith.

7 months pregnant with McCann