A lesson from the jelly jar

 If you say, "The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.¹

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

Psalm 91: 9-16

Have you thanked God for HIS protection today? I, for one, am often guilty of taking my and my family's safety and health for granted. I do not always think to thank God that my van's brakes worked at the appropriate time, that the elevator we all rode on operated properly, or for the countless other ways he keeps us out of harms way EVERYDAY!  It is so easy to ask God to help us through troubles; yet how often do we forget to praise HIM. Today, I am thanking Jesus for HIS goodness, HIS grace, and HIS protection. This was a typical day. I was fixing a sandwich for the older boys while the baby played at my feet. (He is so mobile now. Crawling, pulling up, and cruising all around the house. Boundaries are pretty nonexistent at this point.) I grabbed the peanut butter out the pantry and opened the refrigerator to get the jelly. Brand new jar. Glass this time rather than the plastic one I normally buy. You guessed it.  It slipped and broke shattered into what seemed like 1,000 pieces ALL around my precious baby. I was almost scared to look as all the possibilities raced through my mind. But I didn't hear the cry I expected. Praise Jesus! There was glass literally all around him, but not one single piece had touched him. Coincidence? No. This was only possible with GOD. He had his arms around McCann protecting and shielding him. I immediately felt the prescence of our Lord. Tonight as you put your babies to bed hug them a little tighter and thank Jesus for their safety!

Lots to learn

I love love love the Experiencing God devotional by Henry and Richard Blackaby. We completed this study at our church in 2008. Since then I have reread and referred to this workbook numerous times. Each and every time, God teaches me something new. In it, the authors explain how God has always spoken to HIS people in unique and special ways. For example, Moses is the only person known to have heard from God through a burning bush. Furthermore, other than Jonah's in-the-belly-of-a-fish situation, no one has heard from God on the INSIDE of an animal. That's just how God works. There is no one-size-fits-all way HE communicates.
I love that God created us as individuals; completely different, yet so much like those around us. And how awesome is it that the KING OF THE UNIVERSE would choose to speak to me and you. No matter how we experience GOD (through the Bible, prayer, church, circumstances) we can be sure that God will handle us uniquely. Why? Because he loves us. We are HIS chosen children. (Romans 9)
So what has God been showing me lately? Just as HE deals with me as an indivdual, I need to raise my children as unique and separate. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Kevin and I have 3 boys. They have the same mother and same father. This is where the similarities end. They are all so different - it continually amazes! It is easy as parents to use the same tactics (regarding communicating love, discipline, and self-worth) with each child. How wrong we are to do this? God is convicting me of trying to mold my children simply by treating them the same way. Don't get me wrong I am certainly not promoting favortism. I fully believe we should love each of our children equally, however I don't think we have to treat them the same to show our love.
My Manning is sensitive. He responds quickly to discipline because he is attuned to feelings. (Not only his own feelings but to those of others.) He hates for his brothers to be upset and is quick to come to their rescue. My Myers, however, is ...well....not sensitive. He is the sweetest, most loving child ever. BUT....he is not sensitive to the discipline techniques that work so well with Manning. He simply doesn't seem to care. (His laid back persona is going to be very beneficial later in life!) So right now, we are re-evaulating how we teach and guide Myers. And I am sure in 2 years we will be at this same point as we try to figure out what works best with McCann.
I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father gives us the perfect example of personalized relationships.

Home

“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”
    Sarah Dessen


We need I want a bigger house. When Kevin and I met he had just finished building a small teeny tiny itsy bitsy house. After we got engaged, we decided there was absolutely no way that Kevin and I (and let's be honest all my stuff) could fit in his house if it stayed it's current size. So we added on. Addition #1 was 2 bedrooms, a bath, and a laundry room. It was still a little house but it met our needs. It was even ok when in June 2008 we added Manning to our family. Then in August 2009 we found out we were expecting Myers, that's when we knew we either had to move or add on once again. So we called a contractor and this time added on a large playroom/den and a huge walk-in closet to our master bedroom. Time rolls on and here we are almost 8 years after that first addition and we have FIVE people living in this house. Things are tight. Manning and Myers share a room, Kevin and I cant get ready at the same time, (because our bathroom is too tiny to accommodate both of us in front of the mirror) and our wedding presents are still in the storage containers my momma packed them in while we were on our honeymoon. So you ask, "Why don't we just move?"

That is the million dollar question.

We want to and we even have plans to do so....but as much as I want to move forward there is a whole other list of reasons why I want to stay in our house forever.
They are more emotional than practical. Nevertheless, they hold us here at least for the time being. First (and probably most convincing) is the point that plenty of families live in much smaller houses and have more kids than we do. Secondly (and more significant to me) is this house holds our memories. Kevin purposed to me right here in our living room. This is where our life together began; where a blind date became a lifelong relationship. This is the only house of mine that my momma ever saw. I remember pulling in the driveway, returning home from our 7 day honeymoon cruise, finding our moms waiting on the front porch to welcome us back. She told me how beautiful I looked and I remember thinking how happy she was. For so many years, we wondered if she would live long enough to see me grow up and marry. She had made it. (She died a short 11 months later) This is the place that I have brought my three babies home to. The list goes on and on.

So for now we stay and wait. We both know that God will open the doors for us to move when He is ready. I pray that I will be content no matter how frustrated I get with the lack of space and also that my heart will be ready when the time inevitably comes when we decide to move.

Hallways

Right now, I am waiting. I have so many big plans and goals that I want to pursue. However, I am in a holding pattern. I am waiting on God to open the doors giving me complete confidence and peace in my decisions. I know if I jump ahead of HIM there is a good chance I may get it all wrong. So I am waiting and like most people it is not something I enjoy. I like instant rewards and clear cut directions. Ambiguity stresses me out. That's where faith comes in. Over and over in the Bible, we read about God's people waiting on HIM and in turn being blessed because of HIS faithfulness. Just think about Hannah praying year after year for God to bless her with a child. The Bible never tells us exactly how old she was when Samuel was born, but it does make clear that she was very old.  How convicting to think that I get impatient waiting days and weeks and persistent, faithful Hannah waited YEARS. Then there is Anna, whom we meet in the book of Luke. In just a few short verses we gain an excellent example of patience and faithfulness.

There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

Luke 2:36-38

"That very moment" that the scripture refers to is when Anna meets Jesus when Mary and Joseph take him to the temple. It is humbling to consider the decades that Anna waited to meet our Savior.

I have often heard if God hasn't opened a door for you, praise him in the hallway. (Just like Hannah and Anna did way back in Bible times!) So I am in the hallway and I am committing to praise him while I am waiting.

Ours

I have become so neglectful with this blog....I think about blogging.....I even plan to blog. But life is busy right now and as much as I want to document every precious memory.... I am too busy living it to stop and write about it! Just this morning, I was holding sweet McCann breathing in his still new baby scent. (when does this go away? I hope never. He is 5 months old and still has that wonderful aroma.) I wish I could bottle it up and keep it forever. He is growing so fast. He has mastered sitting up and is trying so hard to crawl. He has 2 big brothers to catch up with. Speaking of them, they are growing too. It is hard to believe that Manning is 4. Of all my children, he is the most like me. Not in looks but definitely in personality. He is sensitive, overly aware to details, caring, and usually in a hurry. =) Just the other day, I took the two "big" boys to the park. Manning was running a head rushing to get to the slide always ready to take on an adventure. He is goal driven and amazingly self-motivated (and possibly a little too competitive- we can blame his daddy for that). Then there is Myers. I could write for hours about my second born's idiosyncrasies. He is one unique little dude.
That same day at the park- I am walking in between the boys trying to close the gap between speedy Manning and Myers (there is no appropriate adjective to describe this kid's personality.) He is walking slowly strolling enjoying the scenery. He stops and squats peering at the ground, "Bug!" "Yes, baby that is an ant. Let's catch up with Manning." We start again as always slowly. He stops looking into the sky, "Mom-mom, plane!" This continues with a leaf and more bugs. We finally got to the playground. Oh, to be more like Myers. No worries, no rushing, just enjoying every moment.
This morning he was playing with a baby toy. (You know someone else's toys are always better than your own.) I ask, "Myers- who's toy is that?" I equally love the way he says his own name and that of his baby brother....I was expecting one or the other and would have loved hearing either. However, he gave me a better response, "Ours." To him, they all share everything. There is no mine or yours. No competition. I love it.
And most of all I love them.

Well, honey....

Manning asked me on the way to school recently, "Mommy, is God bigger than that tree?"

"Yes, Manning. God is WAY bigger than that tree." He continues, "What about our house- is HE bigger than that?" "Yes, even bigger than that." And it goes on, "What about the sky?"

How do I explain the immeasurable vastness of GOD in HIS greatness to my 3 year old? (when it is so difficult for my 30 yr old brain to comprehend.)

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars which you have set in place -- what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8:3-4

On this same morning, Manning asked me how fast God was. I replied, "Very fast." I mean, really, how do you describe the omnipresence of God to a preschooler. He follows up with, "Mommy, does God need shoes to run so fast?" I snicker and respond, "No, I think God has everything HE needs." (I am assuming this question comes from my constant reminders to PUT YOUR SHOES ON BEFORE YOU GO OUTSIDE.)

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalm 139:7-10

This question and answer time was followed by several minutes of quiet and I assumed he was onto something else. (Three yr old brains can jump from subject to subject quicker than their 30 yr old momma's brains can keep up at times) Not the case this time. I hear from the back seat, "But Momma, Why did Jesus have to die on the cross?"

Oh boy. Well, honey...God sent Jesus, HIS SON, to die for our sins, the bad things we do. So that we could be forgiven and go to heaven when we die. I go on to explain salvation and praying to accept Jesus (all in very childlike terms). My sweet little guy listens so attentively.

"God so loved this world that HE gave HIS only begotten son, for whosoever believe him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Manning remembers,"Mema went to heaven." Yes, she did. "How did she get there?" "Did Jesus and Mema climb a really tall ladder?"

Maybe. I am not really sure. But I am sure that I love Jesus and I love my sweet baby boys. I pray they will continue to have this much concern and love for the LORD. Kevin and I are so blessed.

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16

Some truth

Someone asked me the other day if I had a blog. Why, yes I do. Do I blog regularly? Absolutely not. In fact, I haven't blogged one time since my precious McCann was born. I am too busy taking care of three little guys to write a grocery list much less a daily account of our life. (Though it would be quite entertaining) Today, on this blessed Easter Sunday I want to offer some truth. Sometimes it is just nice to be real and that is what I am offering. I am reposting something I wrote over a year ago. It will surprise many but not those of you who knew me 10 years ago. Before I start...Happy Easter- HE IS RISEN! (and that is the TRUTH)

I have always been one to hold myself to ungodly standards (yes, I said ungodly). Though I came to know Jesus when I was 15, I did not fully grasp HIS love and devotion until years later. In high school, I measured my success as person on the amount and expense of my clothes and the number of friends I could accumulate. In college, my worth was based on my 3.9 GPA and my desire to please all my professors. I based my perception of myself on my possessions, my friends, my popularity, my grades, and most significantly on my weight. I am not sure of the exact event that sparked the beginning of my obsession with my weight. I do know that as a junior in high school, I was an average size teenager with what I believed was a healthy mom. By the beginning of my senior year, things were dramatically different than the year before. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my weight became my new fixation. It was a gradual process. I dieted, began to exercise, and liked the newer smaller version of Amy. As I went off to Clemson, leaving behind a sick mom and a situation I could not control, my weight began to plummet. However, no matter how thin I became it was never enough. I limited calories and would at times only eat one meal a day. In addition, I would work out for hours burning the few calories I consumed each day. My mother was dying and I could not do one about thing it. But I could change the way I looked... by starving myself. At the time, I would have never admitted what I was doing. In fact, I even tried to hide my eating disorder. I would adamantly defend myself disputing anyone who even hinted that I might have a problem. My mom was the leader of this group of people. She saw the issue and begged me to change. To this day, I regret not getting help while she was still alive. After 4 years of college, I graduated from Clemson University. Soon after graduation, I met my future husband and fell in love. Even with a new man and a wedding to plan, nothing could distract me from my weight obsession. I knew Kevin thought I was beautiful and I even knew he would like me better if I was not so thin. I wanted to change. I did not want him to worry about his bride. I just could not stop the roller coaster that was my life. At our wedding, I weighed 112 lbs (this was not my lowest weight and I am 5'8), almost 30 pounds less than my ideal weight by medical standards. I did not have regular menstrual periods and I was starving most of the time. I chewed gum constantly in order to keep my hunger at bay. Two months before our first anniversary, my mom’s cancer had moved from breast to bone to lungs and now finally to her brain. My sweet momma went to be with Jesus that April. I lost my best friend and biggest fan that Good Friday morning. The next year passed in a blur of sadness and memories. I was still focused on my weight and I was having a harder time staying as small as I once had been. Then in summer of 2007 something miraculous happened. I got pregnant. I always thought I would have a hard time conceiving. Looking back I know God blessed me with those frustrating extra pounds to allow my body to become pregnant. This was the beginning of the end of my disease. I had a brand new life within me and I was responsible for nourishing this sweet baby. I took my job seriously. I gained a healthy 28 lbs and delivered a 7 and a half pound baby boy. I nursed Manning for a year and rarely thought about my weight. I still cared but I had so much more to think about than the size of my pants. I was 121 lbs when I got pregnant with my second son in the summer of 2009. After a 50 plus weight gain, I delivered an almost 9lbs baby boy. 12 months later, I am still nursing Myers. I am at a healthy weight for my height and I am happy with the way I look in the mirror. Do I miss being rail thin and having a perfectly flat stomach? I would be lying if I said no. There are times I step on the scale compulsively hoping pounds will disappear. But you know what? There is more to life than exercise, diets, and weight. There is life and God wants us to live it abundantly. God loves me because I am Amy. His daughter. He does not love me any more at 110 lbs than he does at 130lbs. I wish I could take all the time I wasted being consumed about my weight and return it. I wish I could live all those years again exerting all the energy I used on my obsessions with spreading God’s love. I hate to think about the people that I didn’t witness to because I was too absorbed in myself. I am not proud of those years, but I am grateful for them.

That's where I stopped. I am not sure if I was finished or if the babies were crying and I just quit writing. Either way, I am truly thankful the journey of anorexia is over. I am happy with the body I have. Not because it is perfect, but because it is God's temple. It has carried 3 of God's most wonderful blessings.